Games That Nobody Plays Anymore: Facebreaker


Facebreaker was a shy little boxing title from EA sports, a new venture away from their usual hit ‘Fight Night’. It was even developed by the same team, EA Canada, but to their dismay and to no one else’s  surprise, the thing flopped. If Wikipedia is to be believed, then Facebreaker sold just 52,000 copies for the Xbox 360 and PS3 combined. Wow, now that is the definition of a floppy disc… God I hate my puns.

Usually in this paragraph, I’d explain the plot and premise of the game… but there is none. You choose a fighter, and wrestle other dudes in a bid to win… nothing. There’s no food chain, no final boss, you just go up the ladder fighting different people. There’s no ‘last guy’, since they’re all generally the same. You’ve got to ask yourself though, does a boxing game really need a story? Well no, I guess I’m complaining about nothing and wasting your time.


What do you do in Facebreaker? Punch people. There’s no other directive and it becomes so simple, too simple. Fight Night eventually revolutionized everything with those thumbstick controls, it made the action more intense. It was a nice neat change to the regular button mashing we’d been used to for so long. But that is what Facebreaker is, tap square three times, dodge, haymaker, haymaker, dodge, block. It feels so old.

Then again, it’s an old game. It was released way back in September 2008, and struggled with sales. It was really down to the release of all the knock-out titles that were coming out in Fall. Oh look I made a pun there, har har har, such a crafty sod I am. At the risk of getting off subject, there isn’t really a subject. Facebreaker isn’t a deep, fun and ‘good’ boxing game, it is possibly one of the worst games I’ve played for quite some time.


What is there good about Facebreaker… ummm? Well it comes on a disc, it’s got its own boxart and even has shiny text and color on the back of the box. There’s really nothing redeeming about it, unless you count putting a creepy looking you into the game. With an Xbox Live Vision Camera or a PSeye, you can scan your face on to your own custom fighter. It is horribly rendered, and I don’t see the whole appeal of watching your face getting kicked and bruised. I get that enough already.

It’s hard to talk about a game like this, it’s hard to even play a game like this. There’s no real appeal, there’s no charm or uniqueness, just button mashing. The ‘quirky’ boxers aren’t lovable and are usually just blatant stereotypes or rip-offs of anything the EA Canada team could get their hands on. What an awful, awful game. Maybe we need someone to take care of it… maybe we need someone to… give it the real red ring of death? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!