Today was supposed to be a the launch of Sony’s newest handheld console, the PSPgo. Eager, early adopters were supposed to skip to their nearest electronic store, pay too much money for the gaming system, then go home and realize an hour later they made a mistake. Unfortunately, the day has unfolded in a much more sinister way. As you all must have noticed, the PSPgos are not just little gaming machines. Starting at 2:00 PM EST the PSPgos have been becoming self-aware. Worse than that, they seem to have the ability to join together to form giant robots.
The PSPgoBots(we hope to trademark that term soon) have been destroying everything in their path. Local police have made no headway in taking down the Bots. No one knows what their goal is or how this has happened. The latest theory is that Sony has decided to leave the gaming business and enter the “take over the world with giant robots” business. Sony’s only response to allegations has been “We do not respond to rumors.” While Sony will not give conformation to the rumors, their new headquarters is a giant castle located in a volcano, which does seem to support the theories.
Many people thought that Sony was simply putting a product on the market that did not make much sense. Announcing the PSPgo at E3 in June, many people thought it would be a wonderful addition to the handheld market. Then, to immediately stop the hype, Sony announced the price would be $250. An all DLC console sounds great, but older PSP owners knew that their library of UMD games would not be playable. Sony announced they were working hard to transfer that library to the PSPgo. Hopeful Psp upgraders crossed their fingers, and a few weeks ago Sony announced that people should stop hoping. PSP Minis seemed like a great addition to the platform for all of 5 seconds until Sony announced mandatory restrictions to all PSP Minis and yesterday showed their surprisingly high price. The list goes on and on…
All of these things seemed like mistakes by Sony. Today we all realize that Sony knew what they were doing all along. They wanted as many PSPgos to stay in stores as possible so that they could combine together faster. The few PSPgos actually bought by people the more PSPgos could form together into killer robots. Why not make the robots before shipping to stores? Why not make the robots of out something other than PSPgos? Why waste all that money on advertising? These are all good questions that I will now dismiss as if no one had asked them. Be careful out there P*N readers. Keep it tuned here for more on this story as it unfolds. Unless I am killed by one of the robots. Like the one coming at me right now. It is pretty fast for how big it…. AHHHHH!