When the Nintendo DS first came out, I was very excited. “Oh. A new Nintendo handheld. I just HAVE to buy that.” And I bought it, and all was well.
Then the Lite came out. “Well, the DS is kinda huge, and brighter backlighting never hurt anyone. I guess I should buy that.” And I bought it, and all was, well, good enough.
Then the DSi came out, and it had a camera. After it had been out several months, I gave in. “Well, it has a camera, and… er… screw it. Might as well.” So I bought it. And all was kinda sorta lame.
Now, only a few months after I bought the DSi, I get wind of the DS XL.
Okay, now I’m pissed.
So let me get this straight. It’s bigger and….
Wait, that’s it?
That’s all? It’s bigger? It has a bigger case, bigger screen, and bigger pen, and this merits being it’s own handheld? I could see releasing this as new hardware if it also came with 3G, a taser, and games I could enjoy without either being senile or 5 years old, but apparently Nintendo thinks so little of us that they believe releasing new hardware and saying, “Hey look! Something new that Nintendo made! It’s an improvement! Honest!” will make us spasm at the thought of buying a DS XL. I am certain that the only reason this travesty is being released is that Nintendo is relying on it’s loyal fanbase to buy anything and everything they release. Another release = another influx of cash, no matter how worthless the release.
I mean, the whole point of the DS Lite was that it was smaller then the gargantuan DS. However, it also had a screen size upgrade and a screen brightness upgrade, and the sheer awkwardness of the brick-like DS made a smaller version very attractive. This new one is bigger then the original DS. That is beyond coming full circle. That’s more like shooting the circle in the face and coming full panda. I am beginning to fear the for the future of Nintendo’s handheld system. Are they just going to get bigger? Will they ever make an actual improvement in screen resolution or picture quality, maybe something to rival the PSP? Or maybe a new feature, like streaming movies from Netflix (because you could TOTALLY pull that off with today’s 3G network…) or something like that? Or will they simply increase in screen size until you might as well be hauling around a laptop?
Honestly, if this trend doesn’t change, I am going to have to do something I never thought I would do. Being an Xbox fanboy, me and everything PlayStation haven’t gotten along since the PS1. But I might actually move to the PSP, with better graphics, more games marketed towards people who play something other then casual games, and homebrew goodies, I feel that I would get more out of Half Minute Hero and Little Big Planet then I do out of Diner Dash and the laughably gimmicky Scriblenauts.
Nintendo claims it has a reason for this money-grubbing hardware “upgrade.” Apparently, this size bump is for old people, who’s knobbly, arthritic phalanges are too weak and useless to grasp a normal stylus or DS, and who’s glaucoma-ridden eyes can’t make out the cartoonish figures on the screen unless the screen is inflated like a fat kid at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Y’know what, no. Nintendo is not going to release a whole new DS just for the elderly. That is nowhere near a large enough market. I call BS on this. I’m sorry Nintendo, but fail. FAIL HARD.
I wonder how big DS’s will get?