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Absurdly-Named Characters, Volume 2

The Mega Man franchise has brought us many memorable names: Bright Man (power of very, very bright light), Bubble Man (power of dangerously large bubbles), and Hard Man (let your imagination work with this one).

I’m a little scared to even type this name because it broke the spell check on Word 2003. As with any absurdly-named character, there is limited available history; it falls to us to responsibly fills the holes in their past.

Before his big break in Mega Man X, Boomer Kuwanger was a janitor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Growing up in a downtrodden part of town, Boomer never took himself or anything he did seriously. On one particular night shift, however, he chanced upon a simple mathematics problem written on a chalk board and solved it with ease. My friends, that was no simple problem; that happened to be a challenge left by a distinguished math professor! The professor, shocked that his challenge had been met after a single day, discovered our young Mr. Kuwanger and led him down the road of mathematical enlightenment. A short while later, he met an enterprising call-girl named Benjamina Affleck and sold his humble story.

Tired of the trappings of academia, Boomer suddenly took off for Los Angeles to pursue a career change. After multiple failed auditions because of his “angry, aged look (See above),” he desperately sought a way to change his look to finally fit in. It was then that he underwent an extremely controversial skin pigmentation surgery that would forever change history (See below). It was only a short while later that BK landed his starring role in Mega Man X, a critically-acclaimed sequel in the Mega Man franchise. The role involved several stunts that required our friend’s participation; sadly, the injuries sustained by Mr. Kuwanger during shooting (pun ftw) kept him from advancing his acting career.

Here’s to you, Boomer Kuwanger; our lives are all bettered by the virtue of your courage.

**For those actually wondering, Boomer Kuwanger did not work at MIT or launch an acting career, successful or otherwise. This post is largely a work of fiction, and the writer acknowledges the Mega Man creators for their work.

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