I’m changing things up a little bit this week for Stir. Instead of asking the Platform Nation writers to comment on a topic, I sent my crack team of researchers into the news archives to find gaming headlines from 2010. Not just any headlines, but ones that stand out as being fine examples of human stupidity. Some are funny. Some are tragic. Some will just make you wonder WTF.
As more and more negativity gets piled onto video games, it never ceases to entertain me how absolutely ridiculous some of them are. While not all of the headlines I chose to include are specific to video games, they are all ones that I thought that Platform Nation readers might enjoy as they reflect on the passing year. Goodbye 2010.
HERE’S WHAT 2010 HAD TO SAY
Man playing real-life Frogger fails to pass 1st level | Source |
“A 23-year-old Clemson, SC man was struck by an SUV Monday night while attempting to play a real-life version of the game Frogger. He was taken to a nearby hospital. His name has yet to be released. Police say that prior to being hit he was discussing the game with friends. He shouted, “Go!” and then ran into traffic.”
I think we just may have found an honorary Darwin Award candidate. He probably would have fallen off the logs anyway.
Gilbert man posts online ad to trade marijuana for iPad | Source |
“GILBERT, Ariz. — Police officers arrested a 20-year-old Gilbert man who allegedly tried to trade marijuana and an iPod for an iPad. According to the Gilbert Police Department, (name omitted) posted an advertisement on Craigslist.com indicating that he wanted to trade an Apple iPod Touch and marijuana for an Apple iPad. He included pictures of both in his ad.”
Technically it doesn’t say this guy was a gamer – but.
Google’s Pac-Man Logo Costs Society $120,483,800 in Productivity | Source |
“We joked last week when Google changed its logo to a playable game of Pac-Man that the world’s collective productivity would take a sharp plunge, but it turns out that’s exactly what happened. The blog for time management tool RescueTime did the math and determined that Google Pac-Man consumed 4,819,352 hours of time, or $120,483,800 in productivity.”
It turns out that there were some games being played with the numbers – mainly that all the hours spent on Google’s home page that day were people at work – and being paid $25 per hour. Even though – the still playable Pac-Man Google logo is freakin’ sweet!
BB Gun-wielding Kid Acts Out GTA Crime Spree - Bike thief says chase felt like real-life GTA | Source |
“Bikes stolen at gunpoint, failed taser attempts and a police chase made up what a 14-year-old California boy described as a real-life Grand Theft Auto experience (via Bakersfield Now). The young boy allegedly held-up two 13-year-old boys with a BB gun that looked like a real handgun and stole their bikes, after which police gave chase until tackling and arresting him. When questioned, the boy said he felt like he was playing a real-life version of GTA: San Andreas, and that the chase felt like an episode of COPS.”
The article goes on to state the boy was charged as a juvenile – which to me seems to be the perfect description.
Cheater’s Brain Stabbed in Wallhack Brawl | Source |
“A gamer accused of cheating in a net café game of CounterStrike narrowly escaped death after irate players skewered his head on a knife. The incident began in a net café in China’s northern province of Jilin, when a group of youths apparently noticed a 17-year-old boy they had been playing CounterStrike with had been cheating by using a “wallhack” to allow himself to see through walls.”
Gaming Tip #1: Do not use game hacks outside the safety of your own home as your mileage may vary.
The Longest-Standing Record in Videogame History Has Been Broken | Source |
“Seattle man breaks the 27-year-old Asteroids high score. It took 58 hours, but only one quarter. Seattle locksmith John McAllister is now the world record holder in Asteroids, scoring a ridiculous 41,338,740 points to topple the longest-standing record in videogame history.”
Asteroids? Isn’t it time to move on? Have you heard they have COLOR video games now?
Video games can never be art | Source |
“Having once made the statement above, I have declined all opportunities to enlarge upon it or defend it. That seemed to be a fool’s errand, especially given the volume of messages I receive urging me to play this game or that and recant the error of my ways. Nevertheless, I remain convinced that in principle, video games cannot be art.”
Roger Ebert really screwed the pooch on this one.
Gaming Tip #2: Try not to piss off the gamers. Example – See Gaming Tip #1
Amanda Flowers Claims Wii Fit Injury Made Her A Sex Addict | Source |
“A woman has gone from Nintendo to nympho after a fall from her Wii Fit board turned her into a sex addict. Randy Amanda Flowers needs 10 sex sessions a day after the slip-up. And now the slightest of vibrations, from mobile phones to food processors, turns her on. The catering worker said: “It began as a twinge down below before surging through my body. Sometimes it built up into a trembling orgasm.” A doctor diagnosed her with persistent sexual arousal syndrome due to a damaged nerve.”
And I thought it was the YouTube Wii Fit Girl that created sex addicts.
Man charged in theft from open casket | Source |
“PITTSBURGH – State police arrested a Pennsylvania man who they say stole a handheld video-game system from the casket of a teenager who had been killed in a Christmas SUV crash. State police said they got an anonymous tip that enabled them to arrest 37-year-old Jody Lynn Bennett, of Mentcle, Indiana County, Wednesday afternoon at the home of a friend in Belsano, Cambria County. Police contend Bennett grabbed a Nintendo Game Boy, three games, and an accessory light from the open casket during the public visitation at the Rairigh Funeral Home in Montgomery Township, Indiana County, on Monday evening. According to a criminal complaint, the dead boy’s uncle confronted Bennett outside the funeral home, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, and he returned the Game Boy, only for the family to later notice the game cartridges and the light were missing.”
Preying on the tragedy of others and yet it was the wall hack guy who took the knife to the head. Go figure.
Study reveals the longer teens spend playing video games, the greater the impact on their teeth | Source |
“A study has revealed that the longer teenagers spend glued to the screen, the greater the impact on their dental hygiene. A propensity to wolf down sugary snacks and drinks while absorbed in the on-screen action meant gamers who spend long hours with a controller in their hands are twice as likely to develop tooth decay. The University of Iowa study is the latest in a growing list of video game-related ills highlighted by academics, ranging from depression and obesity to violent behavior.”
So is there anything that video games does not cause? Case in point…
TV and computer games blamed for return of rickets | Source |
“The many hours children spend indoors playing computer games or watching television may be to blame for a resurgence of rickets. Scientists say that rickets is becoming “disturbingly common” among British children. The disease is caused by chronic vitamin D deficiencies, which can be triggered by long periods out of natural sunlight and a poor diet.”
But doesn’t exposure to the Sun cause cancer? If it’s going to be a no win situation – I’ll stick with video games and air conditioning.
“Zombies” in crashed car bewilder bystanders | Source |
“PORTLAND, Ore. — A car full of people dressed as zombies crashed on Interstate 84 near downtown Portland on Friday, causing initial confusion by people who witnessed the crash. Portland Police said the car was swerving in the eastbound lanes of the freeway just east of the Lloyd District just after 9:30 p.m. when it rolled over and crashed onto its top. Emergency crews took five victims from the crash to area hospitals with non-life-threatening injuries. Police said that in their investigation they learned that the people inside the car were dressed as zombie costumes and they were headed to a party at the time of the crash. Sgt. Greg Stewart said people who witnessed the crash initially thought the victims’ injuries were much more serious, because of the zombie costumes. ”We’re glad that everyone is alive, despite being ‘undead’,” Sgt. Stewart said, referring to the costumes.”
Nearly everything is better with zombies in it – car wrecks being the exception. While technically not a gaming story – I couldn’t resist including this one.
Gaming Tip #3: Try not to crash during Cosplay.
Hollywood is making ‘worst movies ever’ says Billy Bob Thornton - Actor Billy Bob Thornton has attacked the American film industry | Source |
“The American actor, director, screenwriter and musician, 55, who was nominated for a Golden Globe for his part in the acclaimed black comedy Bad Santa in 2003, said: “In our current state of affairs, especially in the entertainment business, we’re living in a time when we’re making — in my humble opinion — the worst movies in history. They’re geared toward the video game-playing generation. And these video games, which I’m on my son about constantly, these games are people killing for fun, and I think traditionally in movies, there’s always been some kind of lesson in the violent movies.””
I thought bad video games were based on movies. Has it really come full circle?
MY FINAL STIR
Video Games Meet Real Life in ‘Immersion’ by Rooster Teeth | Source |
“Immersion is a live-action series that transports common video game conventions from their normal station on consoles and inside animated worlds into the meat space. It’s a kind of Mythbusters meets Mario, hosted by Rooster Teeth’s own Burnie Burns and Griffon Ramsey, starring Rooster Teeth’s own stuntmen Gus Sorola and Geoff Ramsey. In the pilot episode, Griffon outfitted Burns’ busted pickup truck with a monitor, black out shades, and a live feed from a Canon DS strung up on a makeshift crane, all in order to simulate the vantage point from wich one drives around in Grand Theft Auto. The next installment pitted a Special Ops veteran with a rifle against a group of annoying gamers.”
Gamer Tip #4: Keep your name out of the papers.
THE RULES FOR STIR ARE SIMPLE
Normally I pick a topic and ask the Platform Nation writers, editors and staff to send me their opinions – however – my rules and I reserve the right to break them when I wish – like this week. Congratulations go out to all the Platform Nation writers who contributed in 2010 to make it a fantastic year at Platform Nation.
Now, drop down into the comment box below and let us know about any headline that you have seen that should have been included here.
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